Music to my ears!!

The day has finally come, we heard baby Bailey's heartbeat!  What an amazing sound to our ears!  I'm 11 weeks and 4 days along in the pregnancy.  I have been counting down the days until this appointment; I have been looking SO forward to some further confirmation of this pregnancy.  When Olivia put the doppler to my belly, she assured me that it may take a few minutes to locate the heartbeat.  I tried not to worry, although I was so nervous.  As she moved the doppler to the left, she picked up that sound.  There was no denying it!  That puppy was beating hard, fast, and loud!  160 beats per minute!  She said it sounded "nice and strong", just what a Mama wants to hear. : )  David recorded some of it on his phone, but the file is too large to send to people.  I'm hoping we'll figure out how to download it so that everyone who cares to can give it a listen.  Nothing like the sound of your growing baby's heartbeat...nothing can wipe the smile off of this face today!

I still haven't been feeling the best.  I need not complain, at least I haven't been throwing up all day every day.  I have thrown up, but worse than throwing up is the terrible feeling of nausea.  That feeling reeeealy blows.  I've been sucking on life savers to help me when I'm having a "bout", and they do help.  I have good days and bad days, I'm hoping that my good days will become more frequent and that my bad days will subside.  I have been doing much better on my eating habits these last few weeks.  I have been trying to make smart decisions for me and the kiddo.  I just constantly have to eat, I am always hungry.  I've been eating yogurt, apples, cereal with bananas, strawberries, along with whatever the baby is tricking my mind into eating.  Cravings are the worst!  I have been having some insomnia episodes and when I can't sleep at night my mind goes into overdrive about food.  I obsess about it.  What I'm going to eat the next day, what I would eat if I could eat anything I wanted, how I want Cinnamon Toast Crunch or a Taco Bell double decker taco...crazy shit!  Ugh, that part is frustrating.  I have been trying to workout more and I feel SO much better when I do.  I was thinking about cancelling my trainer, but I know that would be a bad idea.  I have worked so hard to lose this weight and I damn sure don't want to gain it ALL back.  I know I am going to gain weight during this pregnancy (duh!) but I just want to make sure I gain "good" weight and not all "bad" weight.  Today at Olivia's office I weighed 129.  That means I've only gained 2 lbs thus far, according to her scale.  Man, I really love her scale! : )  Other pregnancy symptoms I have include a drastic change in my boobs (they are waaay bigger, still sensitive, and my nipples are getting darker), lower back pain (still...), nausea (of course), some occasional cramping, crazy ass dreams (I mean, crazy!), occasional insomnia, and unreal food cravings.  That's about it for now.

My next appointment is set for Tues. Sept. 24.  We will listen to the heartbeat again and then ask Olivia some questions we have for her.  I am looking forward to telling the world about our sweet baby in the next few days, that is going to be exciting : )  Life is a true miracle, and I feel so blessed to be able to carry and mother this incredible baby I have growing inside of me.  I am thankful beyond words.  Life is good!

7 weeks and some change...

7 weeks along and definately feeling the signs of pregnancy!  Wish I could tell you I feel wonderful, energetic, and fit.  I don't.  I have felt nauseous for the past few weeks, no throwing up, but none the less, nauseous.  People told me "morning sickness" felt like you were hungover without a cure, they were exactly right!  All the time, that hungover feeling.  On a positive note, I'm getting closer day by day to being over the first trimester.  I have also been SO hungry. I don't think I've ever been this hungry in all of my life.  I have to eat every few hours or else the nausea kicks in worse.  I wish I could tell you I've been eating healthy (like I was prior to pregnancy), but I want nothing healthy.  I want weird stuff that I don't normally ever eat.  Examples: soup, bread, french toast, etc.  Soup especially.  (Weird!)  I hope this phase passes and I can go back to eating salads & good stuff.  I really miss sushi!  David and I ate raw sushi atleast 2x/week.  Other symptoms I've had are: extrememly sore boobs & nipples, indigestion & gas, belly bloat, lower back ache, & having to pee atleast 3x/night.

Baby Bailey is the size of a blueberry.  The reason I have to pee so frequently is because my uterus has doubled in size and I have 10% more blood in my body than before, therefore, making my kidneys work extra hard.  Guess getting up extra at night is preparing me for the parenting journey ahead. ; )  We met with the midwife last week & she is awesome!  Our initial meeting lasted an hour and 20 mins, and she answered every question we had.  I feel very confident in our decision to hire her as our midwife.  We set up another appointment for Aug. 28 for bloodwork & to hear the heartbeat.  I can't wait!  Also, we have already recieved a gift in the mail!  David's sister Christie sent us a week by week calander to fill out important events & dates.  Our baby is going to be so lucky to have such wonderful people to love him or her.  I look forward to feeling better & updating my blog in the very near future : )

It's been a long time since Key West and.....I'M PREGNANT!!

Long time no blog!  Key West was great, blah, blah, but more importantly...I AM PREGNANT!!!  It took a year longer than expected, but my dreams of being pregnant (& my fears of being unable to get pregnant) have been confirmed!  I found out I was expecting on July 5, the day after the 4th of July.  On the evening of the 3rd, I went over to Mason & Marcy's house for some delicious margaritas and paid for it later.  I got home and puked my guts out!  Needless to say, I felt like trash the next day for the 4th & had no problem being the designated driver.  The morning of the 5th, David left for work and I decided to take a pregnancy test.  I used the cheap dollar store test and thought I saw a faint line, but then thought I was seeing things (because it was 5:50am).  I then used a digital test and sure enough it popped up "pregnant"!  I called David right away because I could not stand keeping it to myself.  When I called him, I told him I was so happy I was shaking and thought I might puke.  As soon as I said the word puke, David said "hold on" & pulled over on the side of the road to yack. Haha!!!  He was super excited, but his nerves got the best of him : ) 

According to a due date calculator, baby Bailey is due in the middle of March (sometime between the 15-17th).  I am currently around 4.5 weeks pregnant.  No signs or symptoms yet.  I have found a midwife in the Wilmington area named Olivia Marshburn.  David and I have a "meet and greet" appointment set up with her for Thurs. July 26th.  She is a CNM that does home births, I am thrilled that I found her!  She doesn't have an ultrasound machine in office, so I will go to the medical mall around 20 weeks for my one and only ultrasound/anatomy scan.  We are still planning on keeping the baby's sex a surprise : )  I will go in somewhere between 10-12 weeks for a doppler fetal heartbeat check.  Good Lord willing, there will be a heartbeat.  We have told our families and lots of close friends that we are expecting.  We aren't going to make it "facebook official" until after the 12 week mark.  Everyone is so thrilled for us!!!  David and I are over the moon!!  I have lost 40 lbs since last August and was down to 127lbs this a.m.  I am going to continue to eat right and exercise throughout this pregnancy.  I have no idea how much weight I will gain, I guess as much as I am supposed to.  Can't wait to update the blog soon!  So, so, so, EXCITED!!!!!

Well....taking my basal temperature, every morning for the past month before my period started, has been interesting.  I really have enjoyed doing it!  I have gotten into the habit of, first thing I wake up, and take my temperature.  Although I am not impregnated this month, I did find out which day of my cycle I tend to ovulate.  For me, it is around day 16.  It notified me on the website where I chart my temps.  I am happy that atleast I can pin-point a guesstimation of which days of the month I ovulate, which is helpful for my peace of mind.  I am now taking a break on the basal temp thing, I'm going to be more "relaxed" this month.  You know us women, one minute we are pumped on something and the next we are just "whatever" about it.  I'll probably change my mind next month and start taking it again : )  I'm definately ok about the whole not getting pregnant this month because we are going to KEY WEST on Sunday!! The closer it comes, the more I get pumped up about it!  What I need is a week long vacay with the hubs...   ahhhhh.  I'm glad Mom and Wayne are going to be there too, but I'm really excited about spending some time with David. : ) Fun, sun, alcoholic beverages, sunsets, great food, no work...what more could a woman want!

Not to mention...I have lost 13 lbs. in the last 7 weeks!  Way to go me!  Thanks to my friend Jess for giving me the kick in the ass I needed.  I have been eating less and exercising more, which has been really great, and most importantly- I have enjoyed focusing on ME!  It really has felt SO good to just worry about me.  I want to lead a healthier lifestyle.  I want to be the right size for my height.  I know I will always have the pear shape that God gave me, I'm ok with that.  I like my shape, I just want to slim it down a little (especially since in the future I "may" become pregnant).  I have been to the gym everyday for the past few weeks (I did skip a Sunday a few weeks back) and it is a great routine to get in.  When I do piss positive on that stick, you best believe my ass will still be going to the gym.  I want to stay active and healthy so I can (hopefully!) have that home birth and vaginal birth that I've always wanted.  I mean, I'm no fortune teller.  I have no clue what curve balls are going to be thrown my way when I do become pregnant, but a girl can dream.  My energy level has increased drastically since i've been eating less and working out more.  I don't have as much of a desire to take naps during the day like I did in the past.  I'm sleeping better at night (because my ass is worn out!).  All and all, it is a positive change for both my physical and mental health.  Next blog I will tell you all about Key West...  looking forward to it!

No more predictions!

I thought for sure that last month was "it", that it was the month that I was going to get pregnant.  The reason I felt that way were because of the following:

* I thought I felt myself ovulate last month (severe pain, R ovary, on day 13)

* David and I had been intimate "at the right times"

* I had no period symptoms what so ever (no cramping, spotting, etc.)

* My boobs hurt like hell

Guess what? I am not pregnant.  That taught me right there that I should make NO predicitons about when I "may be" pregnant.  Although I think I know myself and my body, apparently I have no idea what is going on inside of me.

I wasn't necessarily disappointed when I found out I wasn't pregnant because it seems like each month I have something to look forward to.  This month is Marcy's 30th birthday bash and I know I am in for a great time!  If I were pregnant, I could have still had a good time, just without the alcohol.  Next month David and I are going to Key West : )  I would LOVE to be pregnant, but if not, I know there will be lots of fun ( & alcohol) involved there also.  When I think about it too long, I do become sort of sad at the fact that we have been "unsuccessfully not preventing" a pregnancy.  I thought it would be like 1,2,3...BAM you're pregnant.  Not so.  I just have to keep and maintain a positive attitude and the positive mind frame of "what will be, will be".  I have done a few things different so far this month as to hopefully increase our chances of concieving.  I purchased a basal thermometer & some OPK test strips at Walgreens.  The basal thermometer is used when you first wake up every morning to chart your resting temperature.  Your resting temperature will "spike" a degree (give or take) when you ovulate.  Your temperature will remain "high" after you ovulate until your LH levels come down to insinuate the upcoming arrival of your menstrual cycle, then your temperature will "drop" to your lower level base temperature.  With this, atleast I can hopefully pin point the approximate time of ovulation.  I also purchased some ovulation predictor strips.  These will help me determine also at what point in my cycle I ovulate.  Everyone ovulates at different times, so I found out.  I was under the impression that everyone ovulated around cycle day 13-14 in their cycle.  That is not so.  Some women ovulate sooner and some ovulate later.  I just want to know when I do.  I am looking foward to what the future holds, life is so exciting!  The possibilities are endless.  Still living everyday like it's my last, that is what is most important.

I'm the big 3-0!!

Turning 30 was not half as bad as I anticipated for it to be.  I have to say, I had a kick ass birthday party on Wayne's boat with some of the very BEST friends a girl could ever ask for.  We jumped off the top of the yacht, drank tons of alcohol, flipped the wave runner, and danced until we couldn't dance anymore.  It was absolutely perfect.  : )  I am so lucky.  I live near the ocean and I have great people in my life, what more could a woman want?

Oh, about the whole baby makin' gig...  this past months period was the whackest yet.  Since I've been off of the pill, my periods have fluctuated from starting every 27-29 days.  I am pretty predictable, so I thought.  This month I was anticipating on starting Thurs. July 28, that would have been 27 days.  On Sat. July 30 I had some spotting on a tampon and thought for sure my period was coming hard core that night.  No period.  I go to Poppy's 82nd birthday dinner on Sun. night and I wipe and there is red blood.  On Mon., still no serious period.  I take a test on Mon. a.m. and it says positive.  I take another a few minutes later and it says negative.  Am I or am I not?  Finally I start bleeding on Tues. Aug. 2.  It was a long, heavy, clotty period.  So who knows if I was or wasn't, but obviously I am no longer.  I have to tell you after taking the positive test, I had no feelings what so ever of elation or joy, I felt purely freaked the fuck out.  Scared.  Like "what the fuck am I gonna do" type feeling.  Being that we aren't preventing a pregnancy, I thought my reaction would be different.  I guess because if I were pregnant, I felt like something wasn't quite right.  So to my satisfaction, no worries, I had a great birthday & great birthday party with alcohol. : )  Having the positive test really made me question whether or not I was ready for such a drastic change in my lifestyle.  Being pregnant and being a mother is a sacrifice.  This is the first month I have not looked up my ovulation dates on the computer.  David and I have just continued on with our "normal" sex life and we will see what happens.  When the timing is right, I will get pregnant, if that is in the cards.  If it's not in the cards, thank God I have a wonderful husband to fulfill and enhance my life.  None of us know when our card will be up.  None of us know how many more days we will have on this Earth.  All I know is that I will live every one of them like it is my last.  Life is a beautiful thing!

The cool down...

Have I mentioned that I have come to absolutely hate the word "trying"?  Isn't it such a terrible word?!  I feel that if you are "trying" and you don't succeed, then you are labled a failure.  I'm not a failure.  Now if anyone asks whether or not we are "trying" to concieve, I just mention that we are not preventing it.  That sounds much better.  I got my period earlier this month, a few days before the 4th of July.  I felt it coming on; cramps, bitchiness, the whole nine yards.  I was actually relieved when it came this month because my good friend Korin was coming in town to celebrate the 4th.  I knew we would be on the boat all weekend and that there would be LOTS of alcoholic beverages being consumed.  l was not dissapointed at all, I was excited to be able to drink cocktails and carry on with my family and friends.  Also, David's family reunion was the weekend after the 4th.  I was glad to be able to drink a few beers and have no one questioning me with, "are you pregnant?" if I wasn't drinking.  I have really just been letting lose and enjoying the summer.  All of the pressure I put on myself before is behind me for now.  I can't tell you how great it really is to have a few drinks, let lose a little, and just live.  When we do become a family of 3, the "letting lose" part will be a thing of the past (for a while that is, until i'm ready to cut the cord and let Grandma Tess babysit).  Right now I am enjoying the right now.  I am not in "go" mode to start a family ASAP, but I will be ready when that test gives me a plus sign.  = )  I am so thankful and happy that I am letting myself relax and enjoy living in the present.  Isn't that what life is all about?  Until next time...