Well....taking my basal temperature, every morning for the past month before my period started, has been interesting.  I really have enjoyed doing it!  I have gotten into the habit of, first thing I wake up, and take my temperature.  Although I am not impregnated this month, I did find out which day of my cycle I tend to ovulate.  For me, it is around day 16.  It notified me on the website where I chart my temps.  I am happy that atleast I can pin-point a guesstimation of which days of the month I ovulate, which is helpful for my peace of mind.  I am now taking a break on the basal temp thing, I'm going to be more "relaxed" this month.  You know us women, one minute we are pumped on something and the next we are just "whatever" about it.  I'll probably change my mind next month and start taking it again : )  I'm definately ok about the whole not getting pregnant this month because we are going to KEY WEST on Sunday!! The closer it comes, the more I get pumped up about it!  What I need is a week long vacay with the hubs...   ahhhhh.  I'm glad Mom and Wayne are going to be there too, but I'm really excited about spending some time with David. : ) Fun, sun, alcoholic beverages, sunsets, great food, no work...what more could a woman want!

Not to mention...I have lost 13 lbs. in the last 7 weeks!  Way to go me!  Thanks to my friend Jess for giving me the kick in the ass I needed.  I have been eating less and exercising more, which has been really great, and most importantly- I have enjoyed focusing on ME!  It really has felt SO good to just worry about me.  I want to lead a healthier lifestyle.  I want to be the right size for my height.  I know I will always have the pear shape that God gave me, I'm ok with that.  I like my shape, I just want to slim it down a little (especially since in the future I "may" become pregnant).  I have been to the gym everyday for the past few weeks (I did skip a Sunday a few weeks back) and it is a great routine to get in.  When I do piss positive on that stick, you best believe my ass will still be going to the gym.  I want to stay active and healthy so I can (hopefully!) have that home birth and vaginal birth that I've always wanted.  I mean, I'm no fortune teller.  I have no clue what curve balls are going to be thrown my way when I do become pregnant, but a girl can dream.  My energy level has increased drastically since i've been eating less and working out more.  I don't have as much of a desire to take naps during the day like I did in the past.  I'm sleeping better at night (because my ass is worn out!).  All and all, it is a positive change for both my physical and mental health.  Next blog I will tell you all about Key West...  looking forward to it!

No more predictions!

I thought for sure that last month was "it", that it was the month that I was going to get pregnant.  The reason I felt that way were because of the following:

* I thought I felt myself ovulate last month (severe pain, R ovary, on day 13)

* David and I had been intimate "at the right times"

* I had no period symptoms what so ever (no cramping, spotting, etc.)

* My boobs hurt like hell

Guess what? I am not pregnant.  That taught me right there that I should make NO predicitons about when I "may be" pregnant.  Although I think I know myself and my body, apparently I have no idea what is going on inside of me.

I wasn't necessarily disappointed when I found out I wasn't pregnant because it seems like each month I have something to look forward to.  This month is Marcy's 30th birthday bash and I know I am in for a great time!  If I were pregnant, I could have still had a good time, just without the alcohol.  Next month David and I are going to Key West : )  I would LOVE to be pregnant, but if not, I know there will be lots of fun ( & alcohol) involved there also.  When I think about it too long, I do become sort of sad at the fact that we have been "unsuccessfully not preventing" a pregnancy.  I thought it would be like 1,2,3...BAM you're pregnant.  Not so.  I just have to keep and maintain a positive attitude and the positive mind frame of "what will be, will be".  I have done a few things different so far this month as to hopefully increase our chances of concieving.  I purchased a basal thermometer & some OPK test strips at Walgreens.  The basal thermometer is used when you first wake up every morning to chart your resting temperature.  Your resting temperature will "spike" a degree (give or take) when you ovulate.  Your temperature will remain "high" after you ovulate until your LH levels come down to insinuate the upcoming arrival of your menstrual cycle, then your temperature will "drop" to your lower level base temperature.  With this, atleast I can hopefully pin point the approximate time of ovulation.  I also purchased some ovulation predictor strips.  These will help me determine also at what point in my cycle I ovulate.  Everyone ovulates at different times, so I found out.  I was under the impression that everyone ovulated around cycle day 13-14 in their cycle.  That is not so.  Some women ovulate sooner and some ovulate later.  I just want to know when I do.  I am looking foward to what the future holds, life is so exciting!  The possibilities are endless.  Still living everyday like it's my last, that is what is most important.

I'm the big 3-0!!

Turning 30 was not half as bad as I anticipated for it to be.  I have to say, I had a kick ass birthday party on Wayne's boat with some of the very BEST friends a girl could ever ask for.  We jumped off the top of the yacht, drank tons of alcohol, flipped the wave runner, and danced until we couldn't dance anymore.  It was absolutely perfect.  : )  I am so lucky.  I live near the ocean and I have great people in my life, what more could a woman want?

Oh, about the whole baby makin' gig...  this past months period was the whackest yet.  Since I've been off of the pill, my periods have fluctuated from starting every 27-29 days.  I am pretty predictable, so I thought.  This month I was anticipating on starting Thurs. July 28, that would have been 27 days.  On Sat. July 30 I had some spotting on a tampon and thought for sure my period was coming hard core that night.  No period.  I go to Poppy's 82nd birthday dinner on Sun. night and I wipe and there is red blood.  On Mon., still no serious period.  I take a test on Mon. a.m. and it says positive.  I take another a few minutes later and it says negative.  Am I or am I not?  Finally I start bleeding on Tues. Aug. 2.  It was a long, heavy, clotty period.  So who knows if I was or wasn't, but obviously I am no longer.  I have to tell you after taking the positive test, I had no feelings what so ever of elation or joy, I felt purely freaked the fuck out.  Scared.  Like "what the fuck am I gonna do" type feeling.  Being that we aren't preventing a pregnancy, I thought my reaction would be different.  I guess because if I were pregnant, I felt like something wasn't quite right.  So to my satisfaction, no worries, I had a great birthday & great birthday party with alcohol. : )  Having the positive test really made me question whether or not I was ready for such a drastic change in my lifestyle.  Being pregnant and being a mother is a sacrifice.  This is the first month I have not looked up my ovulation dates on the computer.  David and I have just continued on with our "normal" sex life and we will see what happens.  When the timing is right, I will get pregnant, if that is in the cards.  If it's not in the cards, thank God I have a wonderful husband to fulfill and enhance my life.  None of us know when our card will be up.  None of us know how many more days we will have on this Earth.  All I know is that I will live every one of them like it is my last.  Life is a beautiful thing!

The cool down...

Have I mentioned that I have come to absolutely hate the word "trying"?  Isn't it such a terrible word?!  I feel that if you are "trying" and you don't succeed, then you are labled a failure.  I'm not a failure.  Now if anyone asks whether or not we are "trying" to concieve, I just mention that we are not preventing it.  That sounds much better.  I got my period earlier this month, a few days before the 4th of July.  I felt it coming on; cramps, bitchiness, the whole nine yards.  I was actually relieved when it came this month because my good friend Korin was coming in town to celebrate the 4th.  I knew we would be on the boat all weekend and that there would be LOTS of alcoholic beverages being consumed.  l was not dissapointed at all, I was excited to be able to drink cocktails and carry on with my family and friends.  Also, David's family reunion was the weekend after the 4th.  I was glad to be able to drink a few beers and have no one questioning me with, "are you pregnant?" if I wasn't drinking.  I have really just been letting lose and enjoying the summer.  All of the pressure I put on myself before is behind me for now.  I can't tell you how great it really is to have a few drinks, let lose a little, and just live.  When we do become a family of 3, the "letting lose" part will be a thing of the past (for a while that is, until i'm ready to cut the cord and let Grandma Tess babysit).  Right now I am enjoying the right now.  I am not in "go" mode to start a family ASAP, but I will be ready when that test gives me a plus sign.  = )  I am so thankful and happy that I am letting myself relax and enjoy living in the present.  Isn't that what life is all about?  Until next time... 

The HEAT is on...

I have never imagined that "trying" to have a baby would be quite this stressful!  I have put a lot of pressure on myself (& David), but mostly on myself, to get knocked up IMMEDIATLY.  I finally had a breakdown on Thursday (Day 1 of "ovulation period").  I realized that my emotions were totally out of control.  After my breakdown, which consisted of crying periodically throughout the day, I finally came to a realization that it is not a big deal if I get pregnant the first month of trying or 5 years from now.  What IS most important, even more important that concieving instantly, is that David and I mantain a healthy relationship.  I can't just jump on him and expect him to perform just because I may be ovulating, that is insane.  Day by day I am getting more leisurely about the whole baby making gig.  I realize that David and I are going to continue to have the same amount of intimacy whether I am ovulating or not.  I am okay with that.  Life is too short, I can not plan my every waking minute and every single day of my life.  I know that we want children, whether I get one in the year 2011 or the year 2013.  I have to step back and take a look at the big picture.  I am so blessed!  Here are the things I need to focus on and be thankful for every single day:
* My husband, I love him more than anything and I wouldn't trade him for the entire world.
* My job, Ella and Mrs. Trask are such a huge part of my life and my happiness.
* My house, I have a roof over my head and air conditioning (thank God!)
* My family & friends, I am one lucky girl to have so many!
* My life, we are not promised tomorrow.  I need to live each day like it is my last.  Do good for others as you would want done for you.

This pretty much sums up where I am right now.  I may write again to tell you that I'm pregnant or I may write again just because I like to.  Until then, don't let the heat burn you up.  : )

My first attempt at blogging...

Written on Saturday May 21, 2001

Here is my very first attempt at blogging.  I married the love of my life, David, on April 2, 2011.  It was by far, the happiest day of my life.  We have been together for 6 years now, going on the rest of our lives.  We own a home and we have health insurance.  I am 29 years old and David and I are getting ready to embark on the wildest adventure ever, we are going to start trying for a baby.

A baby?  I know.  I still can't believe that the time in my life has finally come.  I have been dreaming of becoming a mother for as long as I can remember.  The thought of it is the most scary, yet exciting thing ever imaginable.  I am terrified of the "what ifs".  What if we have trouble getting pregnant?  What if I have a horrible pregnancy?  What if I have complications during pregnancy/delivery?  What if something is wrong with the baby?  I have to learn to let the "what ifs" go.  What is meant to be will be.  Although I want to have total control, I am not in control.   I am only in control of how I handle the "what ifs".

I am seriously considering taking a more holistic approach when I become pregnant.  David and I have decided that we do not want to find out the sex of the baby.  There are so little surprises in life, we want to enjoy that surprise when the baby is born.  Also, I am considering having a maximum of 2 ultrasounds.  I do want to make sure that the embryo has implanted properly in the uterus and has a heart beat around 8 weeks gestation.  I would love nothing more than to have a midwife, a doula (possibly), and to birth in the comfort of my own home.  Some people might think I am nuts, but I believe that a woman has the choice of how she choses to labor and what interventions she wants.  I would like the freedom of not being hooked up to an IV or fetal monitor.  I would like the freedom to relax in the comfort of my own home.  I would like the freedom to labor on a birthing ball, toilet, squatting, hands and knees, etc. instead of lying flat on my back with my legs up in stirups.  I intend on educating myself on all of the options available.  I have found a home birth support group in Wilmington, as well as a hypnobirthing class.  Unfortanately, there are only a a few CNM's (certified nurse midwives) in Wilmington and I am not sure if they would have a physician to back them for home births.  There are "underground" midwives and I know of two women who have had a home birth with the help of them.  David's mother Cathy is a CNM and works in an office in Sanford, NC.  I am not sure if she would be interested in doing a home birth or if we would be interested in her assistance.  There are a lot of things we need to look into and educate ourselves about.  I am disappointed with the lack of resources here in Wilmington, womens options are extremely limited.  We do not have access to a birthing center and the 2 or so local midwives are slammed with patients, which equals 1 hour in the waiting room and 15 minutes with the midwife.  It should be opposite, 15 minutes in waiting and a full hour with the midwife.  I have been reading educational and inspirational books on labor, birthing, birth stories, etc.  I can not take in enough information or prepare myself enough for the greatest adventure in life, becoming a mother.

I will do my best to keep updating my blog monthly (or more!).  I hope possibly in my next blog to inform you that we are expecting.  Let's just see how this baby making thing goes, who knows!