I have never imagined that "trying" to have a baby would be quite this stressful! I have put a lot of pressure on myself (& David), but mostly on myself, to get knocked up IMMEDIATLY. I finally had a breakdown on Thursday (Day 1 of "ovulation period"). I realized that my emotions were totally out of control. After my breakdown, which consisted of crying periodically throughout the day, I finally came to a realization that it is not a big deal if I get pregnant the first month of trying or 5 years from now. What IS most important, even more important that concieving instantly, is that David and I mantain a healthy relationship. I can't just jump on him and expect him to perform just because I may be ovulating, that is insane. Day by day I am getting more leisurely about the whole baby making gig. I realize that David and I are going to continue to have the same amount of intimacy whether I am ovulating or not. I am okay with that. Life is too short, I can not plan my every waking minute and every single day of my life. I know that we want children, whether I get one in the year 2011 or the year 2013. I have to step back and take a look at the big picture. I am so blessed! Here are the things I need to focus on and be thankful for every single day:
* My husband, I love him more than anything and I wouldn't trade him for the entire world.
* My job, Ella and Mrs. Trask are such a huge part of my life and my happiness.
* My house, I have a roof over my head and air conditioning (thank God!)
* My family & friends, I am one lucky girl to have so many!
* My life, we are not promised tomorrow. I need to live each day like it is my last. Do good for others as you would want done for you.
This pretty much sums up where I am right now. I may write again to tell you that I'm pregnant or I may write again just because I like to. Until then, don't let the heat burn you up. : )
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
My first attempt at blogging...
Written on Saturday May 21, 2001
Here is my very first attempt at blogging. I married the love of my life, David, on April 2, 2011. It was by far, the happiest day of my life. We have been together for 6 years now, going on the rest of our lives. We own a home and we have health insurance. I am 29 years old and David and I are getting ready to embark on the wildest adventure ever, we are going to start trying for a baby.
A baby? I know. I still can't believe that the time in my life has finally come. I have been dreaming of becoming a mother for as long as I can remember. The thought of it is the most scary, yet exciting thing ever imaginable. I am terrified of the "what ifs". What if we have trouble getting pregnant? What if I have a horrible pregnancy? What if I have complications during pregnancy/delivery? What if something is wrong with the baby? I have to learn to let the "what ifs" go. What is meant to be will be. Although I want to have total control, I am not in control. I am only in control of how I handle the "what ifs".
I am seriously considering taking a more holistic approach when I become pregnant. David and I have decided that we do not want to find out the sex of the baby. There are so little surprises in life, we want to enjoy that surprise when the baby is born. Also, I am considering having a maximum of 2 ultrasounds. I do want to make sure that the embryo has implanted properly in the uterus and has a heart beat around 8 weeks gestation. I would love nothing more than to have a midwife, a doula (possibly), and to birth in the comfort of my own home. Some people might think I am nuts, but I believe that a woman has the choice of how she choses to labor and what interventions she wants. I would like the freedom of not being hooked up to an IV or fetal monitor. I would like the freedom to relax in the comfort of my own home. I would like the freedom to labor on a birthing ball, toilet, squatting, hands and knees, etc. instead of lying flat on my back with my legs up in stirups. I intend on educating myself on all of the options available. I have found a home birth support group in Wilmington, as well as a hypnobirthing class. Unfortanately, there are only a a few CNM's (certified nurse midwives) in Wilmington and I am not sure if they would have a physician to back them for home births. There are "underground" midwives and I know of two women who have had a home birth with the help of them. David's mother Cathy is a CNM and works in an office in Sanford, NC. I am not sure if she would be interested in doing a home birth or if we would be interested in her assistance. There are a lot of things we need to look into and educate ourselves about. I am disappointed with the lack of resources here in Wilmington, womens options are extremely limited. We do not have access to a birthing center and the 2 or so local midwives are slammed with patients, which equals 1 hour in the waiting room and 15 minutes with the midwife. It should be opposite, 15 minutes in waiting and a full hour with the midwife. I have been reading educational and inspirational books on labor, birthing, birth stories, etc. I can not take in enough information or prepare myself enough for the greatest adventure in life, becoming a mother.
I will do my best to keep updating my blog monthly (or more!). I hope possibly in my next blog to inform you that we are expecting. Let's just see how this baby making thing goes, who knows!
Here is my very first attempt at blogging. I married the love of my life, David, on April 2, 2011. It was by far, the happiest day of my life. We have been together for 6 years now, going on the rest of our lives. We own a home and we have health insurance. I am 29 years old and David and I are getting ready to embark on the wildest adventure ever, we are going to start trying for a baby.
A baby? I know. I still can't believe that the time in my life has finally come. I have been dreaming of becoming a mother for as long as I can remember. The thought of it is the most scary, yet exciting thing ever imaginable. I am terrified of the "what ifs". What if we have trouble getting pregnant? What if I have a horrible pregnancy? What if I have complications during pregnancy/delivery? What if something is wrong with the baby? I have to learn to let the "what ifs" go. What is meant to be will be. Although I want to have total control, I am not in control. I am only in control of how I handle the "what ifs".
I am seriously considering taking a more holistic approach when I become pregnant. David and I have decided that we do not want to find out the sex of the baby. There are so little surprises in life, we want to enjoy that surprise when the baby is born. Also, I am considering having a maximum of 2 ultrasounds. I do want to make sure that the embryo has implanted properly in the uterus and has a heart beat around 8 weeks gestation. I would love nothing more than to have a midwife, a doula (possibly), and to birth in the comfort of my own home. Some people might think I am nuts, but I believe that a woman has the choice of how she choses to labor and what interventions she wants. I would like the freedom of not being hooked up to an IV or fetal monitor. I would like the freedom to relax in the comfort of my own home. I would like the freedom to labor on a birthing ball, toilet, squatting, hands and knees, etc. instead of lying flat on my back with my legs up in stirups. I intend on educating myself on all of the options available. I have found a home birth support group in Wilmington, as well as a hypnobirthing class. Unfortanately, there are only a a few CNM's (certified nurse midwives) in Wilmington and I am not sure if they would have a physician to back them for home births. There are "underground" midwives and I know of two women who have had a home birth with the help of them. David's mother Cathy is a CNM and works in an office in Sanford, NC. I am not sure if she would be interested in doing a home birth or if we would be interested in her assistance. There are a lot of things we need to look into and educate ourselves about. I am disappointed with the lack of resources here in Wilmington, womens options are extremely limited. We do not have access to a birthing center and the 2 or so local midwives are slammed with patients, which equals 1 hour in the waiting room and 15 minutes with the midwife. It should be opposite, 15 minutes in waiting and a full hour with the midwife. I have been reading educational and inspirational books on labor, birthing, birth stories, etc. I can not take in enough information or prepare myself enough for the greatest adventure in life, becoming a mother.
I will do my best to keep updating my blog monthly (or more!). I hope possibly in my next blog to inform you that we are expecting. Let's just see how this baby making thing goes, who knows!
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