SHE is here!!!!

(First of all, yes I know, this post is nearly 4 months overdue!)

Jennings Colleen Bailey is here!!!  She was born 3/13/13 after 34 LONG, strenuous, tiring, hours of labor.  Here is our story of my labor, the birth of our first baby, & some of the challenges that life can throw your way unexpectedly.

On Sunday, 3/10/13, my Mom and Wayne had a cookout at their house to celebrate our friends Korin & Rich coming in for the weekend.  All of our friends came!  Mom had a cake made that same "anytime now baby Bailey".  It was our "last hoorah" so to speak before I was to have the baby.  I have always felt that I was going to go past my due date because I have always heard that first babies can sometimes be "overdue".  I had all intentions of this child NOT arriving until atleast March 16.  Toward the end of the evening, I noticed that my lower back was really sore.  When we got home, David gave me an awesome back rub.  Not long after, I went to the restroom and noticed I wiped pink with some mucus on the toilet paper.  I told David I thought I had lost my mucus plug, but to not freak out, that it didn't necessarily mean anything was going to happen anytime soon.  We slept pretty well that night, although I woke up with a serious kink in my neck.  Korin came to work with me on Monday 3/11.  We took Mrs. T downtown for lunch and walked around.  We even had some delicious ice cream from Kilwins.  Afterwards, we picked up Ella to spend some time with her.  Korin, Ella, David, and myself all went to my midwife appointment that afternoon at 5pm.  I mentioned to Olivia and Candace that I thought I had lost my mucus plug.  Candace said she had a feeling I was going to come in with some kind of news.  They had been up all night with a laboring mama who was in my birth class.  She had a home birth and welcomed a beautiful little girl in the wee hours of 3/11.  Needless to say, they had not been to sleep yet.  I assured them that nothing was going to happen, that I needed at least one more nights rest, and that they needed to rest up.  Korin and Rich were getting ready to leave town and they wanted to go to Chipoltle for dinner (it had just recently opened).  I agreed, I love some Mexican.  When we got there, the line was at the door.  The approximate wait time was about 20 minutes.  As we were standing in line, about half way to the counter, I felt like I was peeing on myself.  I told Korin & David that I thought I was leaking or either I was slightly pissing myself.  Korin & I went to the restroom and when I sat on the toilet, I felt like I couldn't stop peeing.  I looked in the commode and it looked cloudy and had a funny smell.  I knew instantly that my water had broken.  How convenient I thought, my water broke mostly on the toilet!  Korin's mouth was wide open.  I had to reassure her that I was ok and there was no need to freak out. 
We were still going to eat and enjoy our meal together.  I came back to the line and told David that my water had broken.  He was cool with it, like myself.  When we got 2 people before the ordering counter, a contraction came on.  I grabbed the wall to brace myself and then BOOOOSH!!!!  My water broke big time all over the floor!  The pressure from the water breaking made the fluid spray out from the knees of my corduroy pants!  It was insane!  Needless to say, at that point we left.  As we were walking out, David non chalantly mentioned to the cashier, "uh, my wife's water just broke, you may want to get somebody to clean that up".  Rich pulled up the van and I instantly stripped down.  I still kept leaking fluid all the way home.  I called Olivia to let her know what was going on, it was a little after 7pm.  She suggested I go home and try and get as much rest as possible.  Bridget came over and helped with some last minute things, Joey & Lisa came over to get Layla.  I ate part of a Chic Fil A sandwich and we got in the bed around 10pm to sleep.  Around 12:15 a.m., my contractions started coming on pretty intense.  I didn't want to wake David up, so I timed my contractions and let him sleep as long as I could.  For about an hour I labored by myself with the contractions between 3-6 minutes apart.  I finally woke up Dave around 1.  He hung with me for a little bit and then gave Olivia a call.  From here on out, everything gets really blurry.  Had I had been smart, and recorded my birth story sooner, it may have been a little more clear.  I remember laboring in the living room on the ball while David was rubbing my back.  Olivia and Candace came in and started filling up the birthing pool.  I labored all night, mostly on the toilets, until the sun came up.  Olivia made me eggs and suggested I eat some to keep my energy up.  I didn't want to eat anything.  I kept drinking tons of water.  In my mind I thought, "the more water I drink, the more I'll have to pee, and the pressure will just bring that baby on down".  Olivia checked me for the first time on Tues. a.m. and I was only 3 CM dilated.  I couldn't believe I was only 3 CM.  I labored on.  Hands and knees, toilet, birthing ball.  I could not lay down, it hurt something fierce.  I remember saying constantly, "my back....my back".  My back was killing me.  I was laboring on the bed on my hands and knees and a huge wave of nausea hit. I threw up all over the bed.  I thought to myself, "this could be good, this could be transition!"  Olivia checked me and I was only 5 CM.  She suggested I shouldn't getting into the birthing pool until I was closer to 6 CM.  Eventually, I got in the pool.  I could only labor on my hands and knees, sitting in front of David hurt my back terribly.  I was in there for a few hours and my contractions started to slow down. By 4 pm or so, I was becoming extremely exhausted.  My contractions were slowing down, but still intense.  Olivia requested that I lay down and take a nap.  I thought, "she must be crazy, I CAN'T lay down!"  Laying down through a contraction was pure torture.  My back and hips felt like they were being ripped apart.  After laying down through a few contractions, I finally dozed off to sleep for an hour or so.  When I woke up, Olivia gave me some natural remedies to help "jump start" my contractions again.  At that point, I felt like a I had a new energy, I was feeling refreshed.  I sat on the birthing ball saying to myself, "come on down baby". Still, my contractions were slow, only coming every 7-10 minutes.  I was thankful that I wasn't hurting every 3 minutes, but I knew in order for this baby to be born I would have to endure more pain.  Around 10pm, Olivia suggested David and I take a walk to discuss options.  I had been in labor with my water broken for 27 hours.  Olivia said that she would be more than happy to stay at the house with us as long as we wanted, but if there were complications, she didn't want to get thrown under the bus since technically you are supposed to deliver (in a hospital setting) within 24 hours of your water breaking.  I knew where she was coming from.  David and I walked around the neighborhood and I felt just pregnant, not even like I was in labor (until a contraction would hit every 7-10 minutes or so).  Where I had felt previously like the baby had dropped some, while walking I felt like the baby was more "up" there.  I decided that I was going to try and rest/nap again and then I would make a decision based on whether my contractions picked up or not.  I drifted off to sleep quickly, but woke up about an hour later with a terrible contraction.  They were not coming on any closer and none of Olivia's remedies where helping.  I felt helpless and hopeless.  I never once felt scared for myself or the baby.  I knew that my dream of having a home birth was coming to an end. I asked Olivia if I went to the hospital could I just insist on a C-Section.  I did not want Pitocin and I did not want to labor anymore.  I was done.  Candace wrote up a quick birth plan for us and we packed up the birthing tub and our stuff. At this point, David and I called our Moms.  We hadn't spoken to anyone pretty much since we notified everyone of my water breaking.  David's Mom was already checked into a hotel room in Wilmington and said she would meet us at the hospital.  My Mom was so relieved I was going to the hospital, her and my sister met us there also.

We got checked in immediately at the hospital and got set up in a room.  I had to answer questions, get hooked up to an I.V. of fluids, and have the belly band put on to monitor baby's heart rate and contractions.  My nurse Robin was incredible.  I will NEVER forget her.  She was calm, explained everything, and had an awesome personality.  She had seen me at the gym prior to labor and had commented that I was "the cutest thing she had ever seen!"  I remembered that, and felt like we had already some sort of bond.  The residents on call were who was going to deliver me, since I wasn't attending an OB/GYN practice during my pregnancy.  I told them that I would just like to have a voluntary C-Section.  They said they would check me, and we would wait 1 hour and they would check me again for dialation.  Needless to say, I remained at 5 CM.  My sister Bridget was so exhausted and worried about me, she could not control her emotions.  I was shaking and continuing to throw up (because I was still in labor) and she hated seeing me in all of that pain and she was an emotional wreck.  Finally the time had come and I was cleared to walk down to the operating room.  I waved goodbye to Mom and the family and walked right on in, knowing I would be coming out a Mommy.

I was surprised to see what an actual O.R. looked like.  The table I was to be on was extremely narrow and everything was white and clean.  I shook hands and met my whole "team".  The anesthesiologist was an older gentleman that had that grandpa comforting look to him.  He explained everything to me before he did anything.  Cold iodine on my back 3 times, a little prick, and that was it.  Piece of cake in comparison to the 34 hours I had been in labor thus far.  David came in all prepped up in his hospital attire.  I smelt burning flesh and then they told David to look over the draping.  His reaction went a little something like this, "it it it has lots of hair!!" "It it it's a GIRL, oh my God, it's our Jennings!"  "She's so beautiful!" "She's so pretty" "Oh my God!"  They took her over to a warmer and I heard that sweet baby cry.  I never once was scared, I knew that everything was going to be ok.  Proud Daddy carried her over for me to see.  I was more interested in taking her cap off to see all of her so called hair, than about seeing her.   I couldn't believe MY baby had hair!  David and I were both bald.  David went with the baby to the PACU and I stayed in the operating room another 30 or so minutes getting put back together.  That part sucked.  I was all alone (except I had my awesome nurse Robin to chat with).  I just wanted to be with my hubs and new baby.  Finally, they wheeled me in to the PACU.  I found out we had a 7 pounder 20 inch long beauty.  She was so alert!  It blew my mind.  We locked eyes immediately and she wanted to nurse.  I could not believe (and I still have a hard time believing) that I had a baby. The grandparents came in to meet our little sweetie.  Still, no one knew whether or not we had a son or daughter.  My sister comes in, I have Jennings on my chest, and takes one look at her face and says, "it's a girl isn't it", I said "YES!"  My Mom instantly grabbed David and started crying!  It was amazing. 

We got discharged 2 1/2 days later and our journey of parenthood continued at the Bailey residence.  Our perfect, healthy, wonderful, baby is here.  We are forever grateful for our Jennings Colleen Bailey.

37.5 weeks!

It blows my mind just to title this post "37.5 weeks".  I can't believe that I will be a rocking a newborn in just a matter of weeks!  Weeks...not months.  Wow.  Technically now I am considered full term, and the baby could come at any time.  I am not counting on going into labor early, if anything, I'm pretty sure this kiddo will be "late".  I have to remember that based on everything I have a "due guess" instead of a "due date".  I am almost positive my baby will be here sometime in the month of March.  80% of first babies go past their due date, so my goal is to keep my anxiety level to a minimum about when this little one will get here.  S/he will get here when the timing is perfect and my body is ready.  I am ready when baby is ready.  I have been having a lot more Braxton Hicks contractions lately and my midwife put it beautifully to me today saying, "every contraction you have is preparing your body and is one less contraction you have to have during labor".  Amen.  Thankfully, the Braxton Hicks contractions don't necessarily hurt as much as they are just uncomfortable and tight feeling. 

The home visit went beautifully last week.  Olivia and Candace came over, checked the place out, I did my own group B strep swab, and we chatted.  Olivia thinks the ideal place for the birthing tub, based on space, will be in my living room.  Sounds good to me.  The hose adaptor fits to the kitchen sink and all of our "supplies" are packed. Of course I'm still making check lists, because that's just how I do to prepare for anything.  I purchased some eucalyptus oil to make some cold washcloths to have on ice when I'm in labor.  When David and I went to the Grove Park Inn on our honeymoon, they had the most refreshing scented towels on ice.  Just getting a whiff of them would put me in the zone.  I'm hoping these work out just as well.  I still need to prepare some freezer meals and grab some protein bars for the actual labor. I'm going to need a few bites of something to keep my energy level up to do all of that work.  Just some other little minor odds and ins things, but for the most part, we are set!  We saw Olivia again today and my group B strep test came back negative (thank goodness, one less thing for me to have to worry about).  I weighed in at 155, but granted that is weighing at 4:00 in the afternoon.  At this point, my weight is whatever.  As long as I keep it at 30 lbs and under, I'm doing a damn good job in my book.  I am really looking forward to going back to the gym and hitting it hard after the little guy or gal gets here.  I haven't been going as religiously as I used to and I really miss it.  There is nothing like breaking a serious sweat and getting your endorphines working, afterwards it is like the best high ever.  It is hard to have a bad day after you've been to the gym, you feel so accomplished.  Just a matter of time and I'll be taking my "mommy break" for the gym on a very regular basis : ) 

More about baby!  Today, and has been for a while, the baby is still positioned head down.  I am so very thankful for this, I think at this point the odds of him/her flipping to breech are slim to none.  Heart rate is still in the upper 130's.  My blood pressure is perfect.  Measuring right on track for predicted arrival date.  Everything is looking great!  I've still been feeling really good for the most part.  Occasionally, like tonight, I've been having some insomnia. (I'm writing this blog at 4:24 a.m. and I've been awake since 2:30 a.m.).  I'm waking up to pee about 3-4 times each night and most of the time I can keep my brain shut off enough to go back to sleep.  Other nights, about once a week, either I have terrible acid reflux that keeps me up, backache that keeps me up, or things on the brain.  Tonight I attribute this late night bout to upper backache and things on the brain.  I couldn't get off my mind whether or not my car payment had gone through and if I had enough money in the bank.  Of course I did, of course it had, and I need not worry about a thing.  Hoping after this blog I'll be able to catch a few more winks before my alarm sounds at 7:30 a.m.  Nothing really else to report, luckily still feeling pretty great for the most part.  As far as cravings go, I've been killing some chocolate milkshakes lately.  David and I went through a half gallon of ice cream in 5 days.  That never happens!  I still have to have a bite of something sweet after dinner.  I'm not craving anything too weird or off the wall, I just keep invisioning a large Cantinarita from K38.  I am ready for that margarita. : )  Work is going well, we have a girl in place for when I'm on leave with the twins.  She's really nice, I think she'll work out just fine.  I have Mrs. T's schedule worked out atleast for 4-6 weeks when I'm gone.  That is a relief to have that "ready", so to speak.  All in all, eveything is good!  Now for this pregnant mama to get some shut eye (hopefully!)...

35 weeks tomorrow!!

35 weeks tomorrow?!  Where in the world has time gone?!  It is so hard to believe that in approximately 5 weeks, this little person who we are held completely responsible for, will be here in our lives forever.  Wow.  I would love to tell you that I feel completely ready (both physically & mentally), but I feel like this little one needs more "cooking" time.  My belly feels rather round, but I do not feel like I am about to explode or anything.  People who see me are starting to ask, "when are you gonna have that baby?"  I guess to them I'm looking like I could pop at any minute.  I'm still pretty comfortable for the most part.  I have a hard time getting up from the couch or bed, but that's about it.  My lower back is sore, especially at night when I've been laying down for a few hours, but nothing that I can't handle.  I've been getting up atleast 3X/night for bathroom runs, but hey...atleast for now the insomnia has subsided.  My nipples are still pretty sore, and I've had some liquid come out.  Guess those things are just getting ready to do their job of feeding this little kiddo for the next 12 months (hopefully!).

I've been seeing Olivia every other week for the last four weeks, and our home visit is coming up on Feb. 18.  After that, we'll see her weekly.  We have our birth kit already unpacked and items placed in a clear bin for easy access.  Soon we will be rounding up all of our other "supplies" needed (extra towels, washcloths, etc.)  I weighed in at work yesterday morning and some how, I was still in the 140's! 149.8 to be exact, but hey...it's still the 140's!  That puts my weight gain at almost 23 lbs thus far.  I have no idea how I'm not weighing in at 160 lbs at this point, I have to have a bite of something sweet after every meal.  Sometimes it's way more than a "bite", it's more like 4 coconut dream cookies by Keebler, haha!  Every time I look at myself I feel like I look the same as I did prior to pregnancy, except this huge lead bowling ball looking thing for a belly.  : )  My girlfriend Eileen took my maternity pictures at 33 weeks and they look amazing!  I am so happy with them, I know that I will cherish those photos for years and years to come.  Big news!!  Can't believe I didn't say this first.  I had THE MOST incredible baby shower a girl could ask for!  My sister and some of my close girlfriends really went above and beyond, I was completely blown away.  Everything was color schemed to match the nursery, the food was incredible, and Baby and I got more gifts than the law allowed.  We are so lucky to have so many people who love us.  Oh, and the nursery is almost complete!  This past week we have been refinishing the dresser ("we" as in my Mom, Wayne, Lisa, David, and myself).  That thing is a bitch!  This will be the first and last time I take on a project of refinishing a piece of furniture.  We are set to paint it this weekend, then put on the new hardware, and hopefully by Wednesday it'll be ready to rest in the nursery.  Wheww...glad that will be over.  Right now the floor is covered with baby shower gifts that need to find a home.  Bottles, new clothes that need to be washed, diapers, toys, blankets, etc.  When the dresser gets parked, I'll be able to organize it more.  Did I mention I have diapers?  I got TONS of diapers!  I am so very thankful, that is going to save David and I lots o' money right off the bat.  I'm guessing we have a good 4-6 month supply!

All is all, everything has been picture perfect.  Great pregnancy, awesome baby shower, good midwife appointments.  Now I'll just continue nesting until this little, sweet, precious baby makes his or her appearance. Oh and...we picked a pediatrician!  Dr. Edgar Horger at Seaside Peds will be in charge of the health and well being our wee one.  He seemed incredible at the meet and greet, we're looking forward to getting to know him more over the years.  And one more thing...our birthing classes went well!  It was great meeting 3 other couples who are all due in March.  The information & exercises were helpful, but I had read a lot prior to class about the topics of conversation that took place.  I felt as though I was one step ahead of the game, as far as the information provided goes.  The best part was networking with other Mama's to be.  Don't you love my pregnancy brain how this blog is all over the place?!  Haha!  Until next time...

30 weeks!

Wow wee....time is really flying by!  It is so hard to believe that we only have 10 weeks left until our little one makes their debut.  Christmas & New Years have came and gone.  This was, by far, the most laid back Christmas we have ever had.  We had dinner with my family on Christmas Eve in Mom and Wayne's new house, that was really nice.  Christmas morning David and I woke up and had crockpot oatmeal with cinnimon rolls, while watching The Polar Express.  It was really nice and low key.  We actually slept in until 8:40 a.m.!  I know that it will be the last Christmas morning for a LONG time that we get that much sleep.  David bought me new windsheild wipers for the van and I had his front windows tinted in the 4-Runner, that was the extent of our present exchange.  Mom and Wayne got us an incredible camera that we are so excited about.  We can't wait to take pictures of the little one with a good quality camera, we are so thankful for that present!  We are trying to save the majority of our money for the upcoming things needed for the "baby fund".  We still owe Olivia $1000 by the 36 week mark (thankfully we have $800 already!), we start our birthing classes Wednesday ($150), and we have to purchase our birthing kit ($160) within the next few weeks. Things add up so quickly! 

I had an appointment with Olivia on Wednesday Dec. 26th for my glucose screening.  Thank goodness everything went well and I tested negative for gestational diabetes.  I weighed in at 143, putting my total weight gain at 16 lbs thus far.  I am surprised I didn't weigh more, especially with that other batch of puppy chow I made and all of the other delicious food I devowered over the Holidays.  I have been fighing a cough and congestion for the past few weeks, so I have not been to the gym since before Christmas.  I plan on going back full force on Monday.  I miss it.  Olivia said that I was measuring right on track and that my iron looked great.  Yay!  We now are starting to see Olivia every 2 weeks.  Our next appointment is on Monday, I'm thankful David can go with me.  He was unable to go to the last appointment because I had to schedule it for the a.m.  I have been reading my birthing books like a mad woman!  I am trying to prepare myself as much as possible, 10 weeks is no time at all.   We got the crib set up in the nursery, it looks great!  It is really coming together, slowly but surely.  Tonight Mom and Bridget came over to watch the documentary, The Business of Being Born.  I wanted them to get a different perspective on home birth, it is very informative.  They both seemed to appreciate and enjoy it.

I've been feeling pretty good for the most part.  My tummy is growing, and things that weren't hard before are definately becoming more challenging.  My energy level is still pretty good.  My lower back and tail bone have been consistently sore, although I don't think there is anything I can do about that.  My boobs (especially my nipples) have become more tender.  Baby Bailey is still very active, I can feel s/he move all of the time.  I am sleeping pretty good, sometimes when I wake up I have a hard time going back to sleep.  All in all, things are well!  Will fill in more next time, getting ready to hit the sack.  Goodnight!

Tis' the Season!

Wow, time is really flying!  I can't believe that we will be meeting our little one face to face in approximately 13 weeks!  Holy smokes.  I am getting ready to enter the last and final phase of this pregnancy, the third trimester.  I am still feeling really good!  My energy level is still the same and I've been making sure to still hit the gym at least 5x/week.  Sometimes when I wake up in the mornings I forget that I'm pregnant until I look in the mirror & think, "wow, look at that belly!"  I'm definately growing...every single day.  I don't feel too big yet, although there is no doubt that I am pregnant.  I am still enjoying this time, I think the 20's (of weeks, that is) is going to be the best time of this pregnancy.  Baby "Kicks" has to be the most active little one on the entire planet.  S/he lets me know that they are alive and well numerous times during the day and night.  It is still so foreign to watch my stomach contort in ways I never thought possible when "Kicks" is changing positions or throwing me an elbow.  It is simply amazing.  My weight was 139.8 this morning (yay!  still in the 130's!)  That is putting my total weight gain, thus far, at a little over 12 lbs at 27 weeks. I can't complain about that!  Sleeping has been pretty good for the most part, sometimes it is hard to get comfortable.  Thank goodness for my Boppy pregnancy pillow, it makes side sleeping more bearable.  I'll be looking forward to sleeping on my back after little one arrives.  I have been having some severe cravings lately!  First of all, the thing that I crave more than anything, is puppy chow.  That shit is like crack.  Not the puppy chow dog food, but the Crispix cereal coated in butter, peanut butter, and chocolate and then shaken in powdered sugar.  It's crunchy, sweet, and freakin' to die for.  This baby LOVES it.  I swear I can taste it in my mouth now, but I refuse to make it.  I've already made 3 batches and I haven't even began baking any of my other Christmas sweet treats.  I'm sure before it's all over and done with, "Kicks" will get some more puppy chow goodness.  Also, I am in love with Horizon 1% organic chocolate milk.  I could drink about the entire half gallon in one sitting, but I try and refrain.  It just tastes so delicious.  Those are about the only serious cravings I have.  I could care less about ice cream or pickles, just give me the chocolate milk and puppy chow and no one get's hurt.  : )  Have I mentioned lately how wonderful my husband is?  I seriously do have the greatest husband on Earth.  He steps up to the plate more and more everyday without me even asking.  He cleans, cooks at least 2 meals per week, and takes care of me (rubs my feet, brushes my hair, rubs my back) all without complaint.  What did I do to deserve such a wonderful husband?!  I am just BEYOND thankful for him!

Side note: The floor is DONE in the baby's room!  It looks so good!  Everything is cleared out and the oversized rocker has found it's permanent home in the there.  We are waiting to pick up the crib this weekend.  We need to get to work on refinishing the dresser, but that will most likely happen after the Holidays.  We also found a bookshelf at Target for $89 that we might just have to have.  I can't wait to see the bedding that Lisa and Mrs. Terry are working on, I know it's going to be just right.  After that arrives, then I need a rug and some throw pillows to pull it all together.  No rush, I've still got 3 months of "putting it together".  Will try and update the blog with pictures in the very near future.  P.S. - glucose test is on Dec. 26, fingers crossed all will go well!  Merry Christmas!

Almost 25 weeks!

Baby Bailey is growing by the day!  It is truly amazing to watch my belly get bigger and bigger as each day goes by.  This little one is still so very active.  I call s/he "baby kicks a lot" because that is exactly what it does!  I'm loving feeling all of the movement, it is a feeling that is undescribable unless you have had a human growing inside of you.  This part of pregnancy is just awesome.  Big enough to be showing, not too big to be uncomfortable.  I better enjoy it while it lasts!

We went to see Olivia last Monday when I was 23 weeks 3 days.  I weighed in at 138, total weight gain of 11 lbs.  I wasn't that terribly surprised because I have been eating out of control.  I was measuring right at 23.5 weeks according to the tape measure, which is great.  Anatomy scan of baby Bailey came back perfect.  Heartrate was 160 bpm, everything looked just right.  I scheduled my next appointment & glucose test for Wednesday Dec. 26.  I better watch what I eat on Christmas so my blood sugar isn't too sky high.  Thanksgiving has already come and gone.  We went to visit Cathy & Gaylon for the holiday, it was nice.  Always nice to get away and take some time off of work.  Christie & the kids came, we got to visit with Jimmy & Melanie a lot, it was nice.  I spent time cooking, reading, and relaxing.  And eating...did I mention eating?  I have not been eating as well as I should be.  I have good days and bad days.  I weighed yesterday and figured I would have hit 140 lbs.  Some how, by the miracle of God, I was 137.  I don't know how, but I will take it! : )  Christmas is right around the corner, I can't believe it.  We are really having a low key Christmas this year, keeping the spending down to a minimum.  I am just looking forward to spending time with family and friends, and being thankful.  That is what it's all about.  It's hard to believe that next year we will have a 9 month old crawling around.  9 months?!?!  Wow. 

Baby Bailey's nursery is getting ready to be "put together" in the very near future.  Mason is coming over next weekend to put in the floors.  Lisa and Terry are working on the crib skirt this coming weekend.  The crib is waiting on us to be picked up. We bought a dresser that we are going to refinish on craigslist for $65.  Any deal we can find, we will take!  I can't wait until it's all put together, when that happens I will know that meeting my sweet baby is just around the corner.  Looking forward to all of the wonderful things that 2013 has to offer!

Finally, a new blog!

So much has happened since my last blog!  First and foremost, David and I had our first ultrasound of our baby Bailey.  It was amazing, to say the least.  I could not believe that the image we were seeing on the screen was OUR baby growing inside of me.  It is completely surreal.  The ultrasound took longer than I expected, we were in there a full hour getting measurements of the baby's limbs, images of the 4 chamber of the heart, etc.  The ultrasound tech was nice enough to turn the screen away when she was getting measurements on the lower extremities, so needless to say, we did not catch a glimse of him/her.  The baby was measuring at 19 weeks 3 days, putting the projected due date at March 17, St. Patricks Day.  According to my period, baby is due on March 15.  I could care less, as long as he/she comes sometime in March. : ) She gave us a CD of some images of our baby Bailey & we took them to CVS drugstore to print out immediately.  One picture is just perfect.  Baby Bailey looks so fully formed in this profile pic, with the sweetest lips and nose a mama could ever imagine.  : )  We have that picture hanging on the fridge so David and I can catch a peek everytime we go to get something out.  When I look at the picture, I think "it" has the profile of a girl.  I see a girl in the picture.  But lately, the past two days, I feel more like I'm having a boy.  I really have NO idea.  I love that!  I have had 3 specific dreams thus far about the gender of baby Bailey.  In the first two, I had a living, breathing, healthy, baby girl.  The dream skipped over the labor part, thank goodness, haha! In the third dream, I went back for another ultrasound and baby Bailey lifted "his" leg to show us his testicles.  Hilarious right?!  I love hearing all of the guesses from my girlfriends also, they all have different guesses.  I would have to say most people are guessing 60% boy, 40% girl.  I try and imagine my life with either one, I picture David holding our sweet baby girl and I can also picture him holding our handsome little son.  We will get to find out in approximately 18 more weeks!  OMG, I only have 18 weeks to go?  I just thought about it and we have SO much stuff to still get done. 

Also, breaking news, the baby is moving A LOT!!  I felt the baby move for the first time on the outside at 20 weeks 5 days.  David got to feel that little guy/gal the very next day!  I was sitting on his lap in the rocking chair on the front porch, and the little one gave a nice "thump" right below my right breast.  David was like, "you did that!"  I said, "honey, I can not make my belly jump like that!"  It was an exciting, memorable moment for the both of us.  Now, since I'm 22 weeks today (based on period), that kiddo rocks and rolls pretty frequently.  Yesterday, 3 of my girlfriends got to feel him/her within a 2 minute time period.  It was awesome for all of us.  So glad I have an active (which I'm assuming means very healthy) baby growing everyday inside of me.  A stranger mentioned something to me for the first time this past week, saying something to the effect of, "aww, look at your little pregnant belly".  I am without a doubt showing.  I feel really big, but I have to only know I will be getting much bigger.  I'm happy that atleast I'm looking more pregnant now and less "chubby".  I am enjoying everyday of this part of my pregnancy.  It is such a blessing to be growing an individual inside of me.

Our appointment with Olivia went great!  I weighed in at 132 on her scale at 19 weeks 3 days.  That was putting my weight gain at a total of 5 lbs.  Baby's heartrate was in the 150's, beating strong and healthy.  We talked about choosing a pediatrician and also a birthing class.  She gave me information on two different classes, which I haven't had a chance to look into yet.  We return back to see her in 1 week and 3 days and I can assure you that I have put on some extra weight!  Since our camping trip, which was AWESOME by the way, I have not been nearly as focused on my diet as I need to be.  With Halloween just passing, I can not seem to get enough chocolate!  I wasn't really much of a "sweets" person before, but lately I've been killing it.  It seems I have to have atleast a bite of something sweet everyday.  An oreo, a kit kat mini, anything I can get my hands on pretty much. I figure what the hell, I am 22 weeks pregnant!  I'm sure I will pull it together soon, espcially when I step on Olivia's scales in a little over a week, eeeek! 

I think I've covered everything that has been happening lately.  I hate that I haven't had a chance to blog until now, I've just been busy playing catch-up from the vacation.  Also, on my weeks that I'm home at night, the bed has been calling my name between 8:30pm & 9:00pm.  I'm absolutely spent after the day is over.  I guess that is how it's supposed to be when you're growing a little one.  : )

It happened!

It happened!  Tonight is the first time I am almost 100% sure I felt my little one move!  I have been anxiously awaiting for that first "flutter" & tonight during the end of one of my favorite movies, Meet me in St. Louis, it happened.  It was similar to a gas bubble feeling, but it was about an inch lower and to the left of my belly button.  Two quick little "bump bumps".  Wow.  I'm hoping now that it will actually sink into my brain that I AM pregnant and I AM going to be a Mommy to this little person growing inside of me.  : )  Alllll smiles right now!

One week today we will get to see our little guy or gal on the big screen!  I am looking forward to that adorable profile picture of our sweet baby Bailey.  I am going to very sturn with the technician about making sure we do NOT find out the sex.  We really want a surprise.  That is going to be one very exciting day (both next Wednesday & also the day our little one makes a grand appearance into this world).  We see Olivia in less than a week, looking forward to that as well.  I am proud to say that my hard work with nutrition and exercise has payed off.  This morning I was still holding steady at 131 pounds.  I am not dieting what so ever, I am just being really cautious of what I am putting down my throat.  I have cut out almost all processed foods.  I eat a salad every day.  I am eating something healthy every two hours.  It feels good to know that I have been "clean eating" not only for my health, but to make sure that I can give this kiddo the best possible start to grow a healthy brain and body.  I am one very happy Mama right now on so many levels.  : )  Looking forward to blogging after our camping trip next week.  I wouldn't rather be spending my 20 week half-way mark doing anything else, there is nothing like hiking and camping the Great Smoky Mountains.  : )

It's October, I love this time of year!

Man, this is my favorite time of year!  I love when the humidity is dropping, cool nights by the fire, and the beautiful changing color of the trees.  I am currently 16 weeks & 3 days pregnant and I feel GREAT!  I am at that in between stage of really not looking pregnant & really not feeling pregnant, but obvioiusly I'm pregnant.  : )  Still no big changes in my bi-weekly "bump" pics, but I'm OK with that.  I know soon enough that it will be very evident that I'm expecting a little miracle.  David and I met with Olivia last Monday & everything looked pretty good.  I weighed 135 on her scale, but I've came to the conclusion that was due to retaining water and being constipated.  On Mrs.T's scale today I weighed in at 131.  I am going with 131 as the more accurate weight for me right now.  : )  That puts me at gaining a total of 4 lbs. thus far.  I am definately OK with that.  Baby Bailey's heartrate was 140 bmp & s/he was moving around like crazy!  As soon as Olivia would get a good heartbeat on the doppler, that little one would move right out of the way.  I still haven't felt any movement yet, but sometime between now and 20 weeks I should feel some sort of "bubble" or "flutter".  I'm waiting for that...maybe then it will hit me that all of this is real.  : )  It truely does feel completely surreal.  Olivia also mentioned I should be kicking up the protein & veggies, so that's what I've been doing.  I am opting to snack on pieces of pepperjack cheese, cinnamon almonds, or greek yogurt as opposed to apples or other stuff filled with more carbs & sugar.  I never thought I'd be able to eat a piece of cheese without a cracker, but I have definately mastered that now.  Nuts really weren't my thing either, but these cinnamon almonds are incredible!  I'm still eating every 2 hours, this baby growing stuff makes you hungry.  I'm not half as hungry as I was in the beginning, but I still know when it's time to have a snack.  I usually eat oatmeal with craisins & cinnamon for breakfast or my oatmeal, greek yogurt, chia seed, PB2 powder, banana blend.  They both fill me up & give me the energy for my morning workouts.  Monday, Wednesday, & Friday I do atleast 30 mins of cardio on an eliptical.  Tuesday & Thursday I do weight training to keep from losing muscle mass.  I love doing squats & lunges, nothing like feeling the burn.  I am confident that maintaining this active, healthy lifestyle will not only benefit me & baby in the long run, but hopefully will also shorten the labor & delivery process (a woman can dream right?) : )  David and I have also been looking into childbirth education classes.  I think we are going to go with the Bradley Method, which puts emphasis on the Father playing the primary role as caregiver/support for the labor.  Also, the method encourages going "all natural" & encourages breast feeding.  All of which I am interested in.  The course is 2 hours per week over a 10-12 week period.  I had no idea we would be spending that much time in a class, but the more information David and I can gain, the better off we'll be!  A lot of exciting things are going on in October.  We have our next appointment with Olivia on the 22nd, our ultrasound on the 24th, and we leave for our mountain camping trip on the 25th!  I am looking forward to all of those things : )  On an end note...still need to figure out how to upload pics!

DONE with the 1st trimester!

I am so very happy that my first trimester is coming to an end.  I'll be 14 weeks in just 2 short days!  I have been feeling SO, SO, SO much better!  I cannot stress how much better I've been feeling these last few weeks.  All of the nausea has gone away, what a relief.  Now I can understand why women have more than one child, because that nasty nausea feeling that was just there a few weeks ago is so easily forgotten.  I feel like a million bucks, really!  I have been able to pick back up my gym regiment 4-5 times per week, which has been great.  I actually (usually) feel like going to the gym and breaking a good sweat.  I haven't participated in many classes since I found out I was pregnant, but the elipticals & some mild weight training have become my new best friends.  My eating is primarily under control for the majority of the day, but come 4-5PM, I am STARVING!  I mean, I could seriously chomp on some cardboard.  According to the scale at the twins house this a.m., I'm up a total of 5 lbs.  : /   Not feeling so great about that.  I know I'm going to gain weight, I am just having a hard time with the thought of it.  I feel like I've worked so hard to lose 40 lbs before becoming pregnant & I just don't want to "let myself go".  I need to work on giving myself a break and being a happy, healthy, mama to be.  So what if I gain 40 lbs., that's what I need to keep telling myself.  I know I can get it off.  I just need to remember smart food decisions, working out, & giving in to some of the cravings.  I have to find that balance.  I'm just an extremeist, I'm one extreme or another.  Either I'm 100% on the wagon or 100% off.  I have to work on the balance for my sanity and health, as well as the health of that little bambino growing a million miles a minute inside of me.  Screw the weight talk, let's talk about my little precious Baby Bailey!

That sweet little kiddo is already the size of a peach.  S/He is starting to produce urine from the working kidneys, which becomes part of the amniotic fluid.  Crazy to think little one swims around in its own pee, but that is exactly what happens. : )  My belly is starting to feel stretched out & tight, sort of like I went to the gym and did a ton of ab excercises & I'm "sore" feeling.  I don't, per say, have a "bump" yet, but it will not be too much longer before it will be visible.  My boob tenderness has backed of some (yes!) which is a relief.  I haven't had any lower back pain lately, which I am thankful for.  More positive news, I've had a lot less insomnia!  I am so thankful these days to get a good night's rest.  A good night's rest still involves 2-4 middle of the night bathroom trips, but that's no biggie.  All in all, I am feeling so great.  The fact that the weather is changing & I can spend a lot more time outside definately adds to the happiness I've been feeling.  We see Olivia in a little less than 2 weeks, can't wait to hear little ones heartbeat again. : )  I am going to try & figure out how to post pictures soon.  This blog is not complete without some "bump pics" : )

Music to my ears!!

The day has finally come, we heard baby Bailey's heartbeat!  What an amazing sound to our ears!  I'm 11 weeks and 4 days along in the pregnancy.  I have been counting down the days until this appointment; I have been looking SO forward to some further confirmation of this pregnancy.  When Olivia put the doppler to my belly, she assured me that it may take a few minutes to locate the heartbeat.  I tried not to worry, although I was so nervous.  As she moved the doppler to the left, she picked up that sound.  There was no denying it!  That puppy was beating hard, fast, and loud!  160 beats per minute!  She said it sounded "nice and strong", just what a Mama wants to hear. : )  David recorded some of it on his phone, but the file is too large to send to people.  I'm hoping we'll figure out how to download it so that everyone who cares to can give it a listen.  Nothing like the sound of your growing baby's heartbeat...nothing can wipe the smile off of this face today!

I still haven't been feeling the best.  I need not complain, at least I haven't been throwing up all day every day.  I have thrown up, but worse than throwing up is the terrible feeling of nausea.  That feeling reeeealy blows.  I've been sucking on life savers to help me when I'm having a "bout", and they do help.  I have good days and bad days, I'm hoping that my good days will become more frequent and that my bad days will subside.  I have been doing much better on my eating habits these last few weeks.  I have been trying to make smart decisions for me and the kiddo.  I just constantly have to eat, I am always hungry.  I've been eating yogurt, apples, cereal with bananas, strawberries, along with whatever the baby is tricking my mind into eating.  Cravings are the worst!  I have been having some insomnia episodes and when I can't sleep at night my mind goes into overdrive about food.  I obsess about it.  What I'm going to eat the next day, what I would eat if I could eat anything I wanted, how I want Cinnamon Toast Crunch or a Taco Bell double decker taco...crazy shit!  Ugh, that part is frustrating.  I have been trying to workout more and I feel SO much better when I do.  I was thinking about cancelling my trainer, but I know that would be a bad idea.  I have worked so hard to lose this weight and I damn sure don't want to gain it ALL back.  I know I am going to gain weight during this pregnancy (duh!) but I just want to make sure I gain "good" weight and not all "bad" weight.  Today at Olivia's office I weighed 129.  That means I've only gained 2 lbs thus far, according to her scale.  Man, I really love her scale! : )  Other pregnancy symptoms I have include a drastic change in my boobs (they are waaay bigger, still sensitive, and my nipples are getting darker), lower back pain (still...), nausea (of course), some occasional cramping, crazy ass dreams (I mean, crazy!), occasional insomnia, and unreal food cravings.  That's about it for now.

My next appointment is set for Tues. Sept. 24.  We will listen to the heartbeat again and then ask Olivia some questions we have for her.  I am looking forward to telling the world about our sweet baby in the next few days, that is going to be exciting : )  Life is a true miracle, and I feel so blessed to be able to carry and mother this incredible baby I have growing inside of me.  I am thankful beyond words.  Life is good!

7 weeks and some change...

7 weeks along and definately feeling the signs of pregnancy!  Wish I could tell you I feel wonderful, energetic, and fit.  I don't.  I have felt nauseous for the past few weeks, no throwing up, but none the less, nauseous.  People told me "morning sickness" felt like you were hungover without a cure, they were exactly right!  All the time, that hungover feeling.  On a positive note, I'm getting closer day by day to being over the first trimester.  I have also been SO hungry. I don't think I've ever been this hungry in all of my life.  I have to eat every few hours or else the nausea kicks in worse.  I wish I could tell you I've been eating healthy (like I was prior to pregnancy), but I want nothing healthy.  I want weird stuff that I don't normally ever eat.  Examples: soup, bread, french toast, etc.  Soup especially.  (Weird!)  I hope this phase passes and I can go back to eating salads & good stuff.  I really miss sushi!  David and I ate raw sushi atleast 2x/week.  Other symptoms I've had are: extrememly sore boobs & nipples, indigestion & gas, belly bloat, lower back ache, & having to pee atleast 3x/night.

Baby Bailey is the size of a blueberry.  The reason I have to pee so frequently is because my uterus has doubled in size and I have 10% more blood in my body than before, therefore, making my kidneys work extra hard.  Guess getting up extra at night is preparing me for the parenting journey ahead. ; )  We met with the midwife last week & she is awesome!  Our initial meeting lasted an hour and 20 mins, and she answered every question we had.  I feel very confident in our decision to hire her as our midwife.  We set up another appointment for Aug. 28 for bloodwork & to hear the heartbeat.  I can't wait!  Also, we have already recieved a gift in the mail!  David's sister Christie sent us a week by week calander to fill out important events & dates.  Our baby is going to be so lucky to have such wonderful people to love him or her.  I look forward to feeling better & updating my blog in the very near future : )

It's been a long time since Key West and.....I'M PREGNANT!!

Long time no blog!  Key West was great, blah, blah, but more importantly...I AM PREGNANT!!!  It took a year longer than expected, but my dreams of being pregnant (& my fears of being unable to get pregnant) have been confirmed!  I found out I was expecting on July 5, the day after the 4th of July.  On the evening of the 3rd, I went over to Mason & Marcy's house for some delicious margaritas and paid for it later.  I got home and puked my guts out!  Needless to say, I felt like trash the next day for the 4th & had no problem being the designated driver.  The morning of the 5th, David left for work and I decided to take a pregnancy test.  I used the cheap dollar store test and thought I saw a faint line, but then thought I was seeing things (because it was 5:50am).  I then used a digital test and sure enough it popped up "pregnant"!  I called David right away because I could not stand keeping it to myself.  When I called him, I told him I was so happy I was shaking and thought I might puke.  As soon as I said the word puke, David said "hold on" & pulled over on the side of the road to yack. Haha!!!  He was super excited, but his nerves got the best of him : ) 

According to a due date calculator, baby Bailey is due in the middle of March (sometime between the 15-17th).  I am currently around 4.5 weeks pregnant.  No signs or symptoms yet.  I have found a midwife in the Wilmington area named Olivia Marshburn.  David and I have a "meet and greet" appointment set up with her for Thurs. July 26th.  She is a CNM that does home births, I am thrilled that I found her!  She doesn't have an ultrasound machine in office, so I will go to the medical mall around 20 weeks for my one and only ultrasound/anatomy scan.  We are still planning on keeping the baby's sex a surprise : )  I will go in somewhere between 10-12 weeks for a doppler fetal heartbeat check.  Good Lord willing, there will be a heartbeat.  We have told our families and lots of close friends that we are expecting.  We aren't going to make it "facebook official" until after the 12 week mark.  Everyone is so thrilled for us!!!  David and I are over the moon!!  I have lost 40 lbs since last August and was down to 127lbs this a.m.  I am going to continue to eat right and exercise throughout this pregnancy.  I have no idea how much weight I will gain, I guess as much as I am supposed to.  Can't wait to update the blog soon!  So, so, so, EXCITED!!!!!

Well....taking my basal temperature, every morning for the past month before my period started, has been interesting.  I really have enjoyed doing it!  I have gotten into the habit of, first thing I wake up, and take my temperature.  Although I am not impregnated this month, I did find out which day of my cycle I tend to ovulate.  For me, it is around day 16.  It notified me on the website where I chart my temps.  I am happy that atleast I can pin-point a guesstimation of which days of the month I ovulate, which is helpful for my peace of mind.  I am now taking a break on the basal temp thing, I'm going to be more "relaxed" this month.  You know us women, one minute we are pumped on something and the next we are just "whatever" about it.  I'll probably change my mind next month and start taking it again : )  I'm definately ok about the whole not getting pregnant this month because we are going to KEY WEST on Sunday!! The closer it comes, the more I get pumped up about it!  What I need is a week long vacay with the hubs...   ahhhhh.  I'm glad Mom and Wayne are going to be there too, but I'm really excited about spending some time with David. : ) Fun, sun, alcoholic beverages, sunsets, great food, no work...what more could a woman want!

Not to mention...I have lost 13 lbs. in the last 7 weeks!  Way to go me!  Thanks to my friend Jess for giving me the kick in the ass I needed.  I have been eating less and exercising more, which has been really great, and most importantly- I have enjoyed focusing on ME!  It really has felt SO good to just worry about me.  I want to lead a healthier lifestyle.  I want to be the right size for my height.  I know I will always have the pear shape that God gave me, I'm ok with that.  I like my shape, I just want to slim it down a little (especially since in the future I "may" become pregnant).  I have been to the gym everyday for the past few weeks (I did skip a Sunday a few weeks back) and it is a great routine to get in.  When I do piss positive on that stick, you best believe my ass will still be going to the gym.  I want to stay active and healthy so I can (hopefully!) have that home birth and vaginal birth that I've always wanted.  I mean, I'm no fortune teller.  I have no clue what curve balls are going to be thrown my way when I do become pregnant, but a girl can dream.  My energy level has increased drastically since i've been eating less and working out more.  I don't have as much of a desire to take naps during the day like I did in the past.  I'm sleeping better at night (because my ass is worn out!).  All and all, it is a positive change for both my physical and mental health.  Next blog I will tell you all about Key West...  looking forward to it!

No more predictions!

I thought for sure that last month was "it", that it was the month that I was going to get pregnant.  The reason I felt that way were because of the following:

* I thought I felt myself ovulate last month (severe pain, R ovary, on day 13)

* David and I had been intimate "at the right times"

* I had no period symptoms what so ever (no cramping, spotting, etc.)

* My boobs hurt like hell

Guess what? I am not pregnant.  That taught me right there that I should make NO predicitons about when I "may be" pregnant.  Although I think I know myself and my body, apparently I have no idea what is going on inside of me.

I wasn't necessarily disappointed when I found out I wasn't pregnant because it seems like each month I have something to look forward to.  This month is Marcy's 30th birthday bash and I know I am in for a great time!  If I were pregnant, I could have still had a good time, just without the alcohol.  Next month David and I are going to Key West : )  I would LOVE to be pregnant, but if not, I know there will be lots of fun ( & alcohol) involved there also.  When I think about it too long, I do become sort of sad at the fact that we have been "unsuccessfully not preventing" a pregnancy.  I thought it would be like 1,2,3...BAM you're pregnant.  Not so.  I just have to keep and maintain a positive attitude and the positive mind frame of "what will be, will be".  I have done a few things different so far this month as to hopefully increase our chances of concieving.  I purchased a basal thermometer & some OPK test strips at Walgreens.  The basal thermometer is used when you first wake up every morning to chart your resting temperature.  Your resting temperature will "spike" a degree (give or take) when you ovulate.  Your temperature will remain "high" after you ovulate until your LH levels come down to insinuate the upcoming arrival of your menstrual cycle, then your temperature will "drop" to your lower level base temperature.  With this, atleast I can hopefully pin point the approximate time of ovulation.  I also purchased some ovulation predictor strips.  These will help me determine also at what point in my cycle I ovulate.  Everyone ovulates at different times, so I found out.  I was under the impression that everyone ovulated around cycle day 13-14 in their cycle.  That is not so.  Some women ovulate sooner and some ovulate later.  I just want to know when I do.  I am looking foward to what the future holds, life is so exciting!  The possibilities are endless.  Still living everyday like it's my last, that is what is most important.

I'm the big 3-0!!

Turning 30 was not half as bad as I anticipated for it to be.  I have to say, I had a kick ass birthday party on Wayne's boat with some of the very BEST friends a girl could ever ask for.  We jumped off the top of the yacht, drank tons of alcohol, flipped the wave runner, and danced until we couldn't dance anymore.  It was absolutely perfect.  : )  I am so lucky.  I live near the ocean and I have great people in my life, what more could a woman want?

Oh, about the whole baby makin' gig...  this past months period was the whackest yet.  Since I've been off of the pill, my periods have fluctuated from starting every 27-29 days.  I am pretty predictable, so I thought.  This month I was anticipating on starting Thurs. July 28, that would have been 27 days.  On Sat. July 30 I had some spotting on a tampon and thought for sure my period was coming hard core that night.  No period.  I go to Poppy's 82nd birthday dinner on Sun. night and I wipe and there is red blood.  On Mon., still no serious period.  I take a test on Mon. a.m. and it says positive.  I take another a few minutes later and it says negative.  Am I or am I not?  Finally I start bleeding on Tues. Aug. 2.  It was a long, heavy, clotty period.  So who knows if I was or wasn't, but obviously I am no longer.  I have to tell you after taking the positive test, I had no feelings what so ever of elation or joy, I felt purely freaked the fuck out.  Scared.  Like "what the fuck am I gonna do" type feeling.  Being that we aren't preventing a pregnancy, I thought my reaction would be different.  I guess because if I were pregnant, I felt like something wasn't quite right.  So to my satisfaction, no worries, I had a great birthday & great birthday party with alcohol. : )  Having the positive test really made me question whether or not I was ready for such a drastic change in my lifestyle.  Being pregnant and being a mother is a sacrifice.  This is the first month I have not looked up my ovulation dates on the computer.  David and I have just continued on with our "normal" sex life and we will see what happens.  When the timing is right, I will get pregnant, if that is in the cards.  If it's not in the cards, thank God I have a wonderful husband to fulfill and enhance my life.  None of us know when our card will be up.  None of us know how many more days we will have on this Earth.  All I know is that I will live every one of them like it is my last.  Life is a beautiful thing!

The cool down...

Have I mentioned that I have come to absolutely hate the word "trying"?  Isn't it such a terrible word?!  I feel that if you are "trying" and you don't succeed, then you are labled a failure.  I'm not a failure.  Now if anyone asks whether or not we are "trying" to concieve, I just mention that we are not preventing it.  That sounds much better.  I got my period earlier this month, a few days before the 4th of July.  I felt it coming on; cramps, bitchiness, the whole nine yards.  I was actually relieved when it came this month because my good friend Korin was coming in town to celebrate the 4th.  I knew we would be on the boat all weekend and that there would be LOTS of alcoholic beverages being consumed.  l was not dissapointed at all, I was excited to be able to drink cocktails and carry on with my family and friends.  Also, David's family reunion was the weekend after the 4th.  I was glad to be able to drink a few beers and have no one questioning me with, "are you pregnant?" if I wasn't drinking.  I have really just been letting lose and enjoying the summer.  All of the pressure I put on myself before is behind me for now.  I can't tell you how great it really is to have a few drinks, let lose a little, and just live.  When we do become a family of 3, the "letting lose" part will be a thing of the past (for a while that is, until i'm ready to cut the cord and let Grandma Tess babysit).  Right now I am enjoying the right now.  I am not in "go" mode to start a family ASAP, but I will be ready when that test gives me a plus sign.  = )  I am so thankful and happy that I am letting myself relax and enjoy living in the present.  Isn't that what life is all about?  Until next time... 

The HEAT is on...

I have never imagined that "trying" to have a baby would be quite this stressful!  I have put a lot of pressure on myself (& David), but mostly on myself, to get knocked up IMMEDIATLY.  I finally had a breakdown on Thursday (Day 1 of "ovulation period").  I realized that my emotions were totally out of control.  After my breakdown, which consisted of crying periodically throughout the day, I finally came to a realization that it is not a big deal if I get pregnant the first month of trying or 5 years from now.  What IS most important, even more important that concieving instantly, is that David and I mantain a healthy relationship.  I can't just jump on him and expect him to perform just because I may be ovulating, that is insane.  Day by day I am getting more leisurely about the whole baby making gig.  I realize that David and I are going to continue to have the same amount of intimacy whether I am ovulating or not.  I am okay with that.  Life is too short, I can not plan my every waking minute and every single day of my life.  I know that we want children, whether I get one in the year 2011 or the year 2013.  I have to step back and take a look at the big picture.  I am so blessed!  Here are the things I need to focus on and be thankful for every single day:
* My husband, I love him more than anything and I wouldn't trade him for the entire world.
* My job, Ella and Mrs. Trask are such a huge part of my life and my happiness.
* My house, I have a roof over my head and air conditioning (thank God!)
* My family & friends, I am one lucky girl to have so many!
* My life, we are not promised tomorrow.  I need to live each day like it is my last.  Do good for others as you would want done for you.

This pretty much sums up where I am right now.  I may write again to tell you that I'm pregnant or I may write again just because I like to.  Until then, don't let the heat burn you up.  : )

My first attempt at blogging...

Written on Saturday May 21, 2001

Here is my very first attempt at blogging.  I married the love of my life, David, on April 2, 2011.  It was by far, the happiest day of my life.  We have been together for 6 years now, going on the rest of our lives.  We own a home and we have health insurance.  I am 29 years old and David and I are getting ready to embark on the wildest adventure ever, we are going to start trying for a baby.

A baby?  I know.  I still can't believe that the time in my life has finally come.  I have been dreaming of becoming a mother for as long as I can remember.  The thought of it is the most scary, yet exciting thing ever imaginable.  I am terrified of the "what ifs".  What if we have trouble getting pregnant?  What if I have a horrible pregnancy?  What if I have complications during pregnancy/delivery?  What if something is wrong with the baby?  I have to learn to let the "what ifs" go.  What is meant to be will be.  Although I want to have total control, I am not in control.   I am only in control of how I handle the "what ifs".

I am seriously considering taking a more holistic approach when I become pregnant.  David and I have decided that we do not want to find out the sex of the baby.  There are so little surprises in life, we want to enjoy that surprise when the baby is born.  Also, I am considering having a maximum of 2 ultrasounds.  I do want to make sure that the embryo has implanted properly in the uterus and has a heart beat around 8 weeks gestation.  I would love nothing more than to have a midwife, a doula (possibly), and to birth in the comfort of my own home.  Some people might think I am nuts, but I believe that a woman has the choice of how she choses to labor and what interventions she wants.  I would like the freedom of not being hooked up to an IV or fetal monitor.  I would like the freedom to relax in the comfort of my own home.  I would like the freedom to labor on a birthing ball, toilet, squatting, hands and knees, etc. instead of lying flat on my back with my legs up in stirups.  I intend on educating myself on all of the options available.  I have found a home birth support group in Wilmington, as well as a hypnobirthing class.  Unfortanately, there are only a a few CNM's (certified nurse midwives) in Wilmington and I am not sure if they would have a physician to back them for home births.  There are "underground" midwives and I know of two women who have had a home birth with the help of them.  David's mother Cathy is a CNM and works in an office in Sanford, NC.  I am not sure if she would be interested in doing a home birth or if we would be interested in her assistance.  There are a lot of things we need to look into and educate ourselves about.  I am disappointed with the lack of resources here in Wilmington, womens options are extremely limited.  We do not have access to a birthing center and the 2 or so local midwives are slammed with patients, which equals 1 hour in the waiting room and 15 minutes with the midwife.  It should be opposite, 15 minutes in waiting and a full hour with the midwife.  I have been reading educational and inspirational books on labor, birthing, birth stories, etc.  I can not take in enough information or prepare myself enough for the greatest adventure in life, becoming a mother.

I will do my best to keep updating my blog monthly (or more!).  I hope possibly in my next blog to inform you that we are expecting.  Let's just see how this baby making thing goes, who knows!